As an athlete, it is a myth that everything you do has to be about your sport.
As a Sports Life Coach for athletes, I have discovered that achieving balance in all areas of an athlete’s life is the answer to taking performance to the top. This may seem like a new paradigm to some, and it may sound “out there” to others, but if you talked to the athletes I work with, they would tell you that they are more confident and more prepared for their games, that their performance has improved in their chosen sport, and that they feel more fulfilled in life overall. I am not saying that an athlete doesn’t have to work hard to make great achievements, but if there is one area of their life that they are struggling in, then it runs over into other areas of their life, and that includes their sport.
Let’s say that one of your athletes just took a test at school and failed it miserably. Or they’ve just had a fight with a friend. They go to practice down on themselves, or angry, and they have a horrible practice. Or the athlete goes to a game and their performance is nowhere near where you–or they– would like it to be. So the athlete goes home and lies on the couch all night watching TV because they are too depressed to do anything else. Or the athlete blames their teammates, or you, the coach, leading to drama for days and weeks to come. Although we all know anger can serve as fuel for an aggressive and sometimes powerful performance, there is less satisfaction in the outcome for the athlete because it doesn’t feel controlled. This then further impacts your athlete’s performance because instead of their using their emotion to control their game, they allow it to control them, leading to unpredictable results each time.
So how does an athlete control it? How does an athlete get the tools necessary to separate their sport from their relationships? How do you, as the coach, keep your athletes from carrying disappointment from one area of their life into another? Although it is sometimes tough as a coach to know how to help your athletes, I have found that by using a few techniques each week you can help your athletes focus on improving what is important to them in their lives, thereby improving their performance.
You can start this process of self empowerment by meeting regularly with your athletes, whether it be once a week, once every two weeks, or once a month. Call these meetings “balance meetings,” or whatever works for you and your team. Even better, encourage participation by having your athletes come up with a name together so that they accept some sort of responsibility for its development. Take an hour for the meeting to occur.
In these meetings, you will begin by having your athletes choose the five most important areas of their lives from the following categories: Appearance; Sport; Family; Fun; Health; Money; Home (living situation); School; Personal Discovery; Relationships; Service; and Spirituality. Once they have each chosen the five areas that are most important to them as individuals, you can then help them begin to explore these areas further.
Ask them the following questions about the five areas they have chosen, and have them write their answers down (I have included examples after each question, but you may choose to offer your own examples that you feel are more pertinent to your team):
- If each area of your life were exactly how you wanted it to be, how would you feel? For example, if I were an athlete, in the area of Sport, I would want to always feel confident. I would therefore write down the word, “confident.” (This exercise is meant to get them thinking about what is important for them to feel in the moment; it allows them to set a goal without knowing they are setting a goal.)
- For each area of your life, write down 3-5 things you can do this week or month that will help you feel better in this area of your life. For example, if I wanted to feel confident in my sport, then I could be more focused at practice, I could study signs or plays after practice, or I could spend time talking to my coach on how to improve my game.
Once your athletes have written down three to five things they can do in each area of their life, then give them the freedom to take what they have written and apply it in their life. You can check in with them as a group each week or month to see how they are doing. This will allow the team to come together by sharing what is most important to them.
To strengthen this process further and encourage team building beyond the court/field, have your athletes form “accountability partners” on the team to work with on a weekly basis so that they can check in with each other and see how they are doing on all the important aspects of their lives. And finally, meet with each athlete individually yourself on a consistent basis, so that they know that their well-being is important to you.
There are a lot of options when it comes to helping your athletes, and becoming more involved in their lives is a crucial one. Having team meetings that focus on their personal lives is an excellent way for you to do this without becoming caught up yourself in each athlete’s own personal drama. Allowing your athletes the space and time to reflect on what is important to them gives them more meaning and purpose for each area of life, which in turn increases focus and performance.
Believe that your athletes’ performance doesn’t have to be a rollercoaster ride. If you believe it, so will they. Believe in your athletes. Know that you can be the best coach you can be, all the time. And believe you can believe that.